The Author of Time & The Bible Marathon

Well, ‘long-time-no-blog’ I hear you say...

Where have I been?

For those of you who don’t live closely to me you may think I’ve been erased off the face of the Earth.  

You wouldn’t be far wrong...

Why?  First of all let’s talk about what it means to be an individual:  

Made in the image of God we are relational beings, creatures of thought, of passion, of expression.  Like our creator, we see the beauty in creation, and therefore cannot help but be creative ourselves.  My friends and I are potent examples of that (also known as the ‘artsy fartsy’ lot)!  The way we think, feel, relate, create, all of these are witnesses to the reality that we are individually crafted.  So my absence of blogging, absence of poetry, absence of cooking, of knitting, of crafting of songwriting...  I have lost myself.  All consumed by the confines of time and the demands of working to pay the bills, I have become the very thing I have resented; a mass produced robot recreated by the hands of culture.

But there is good news...

Okay so no-one wants to hear about what I’ve been doing with my life since last December when I posted about missional communities.  This isn’t a sob story about me.  But you may want to hear how we can reclaim identity in the crisis of modern day life.  I hope to teach you something from my experience...

If you follow me on Twitter, or Facebook, or Pinterest... or whatever latest social network is trending the net right now... you may have seen me mention The Bible Marathon.

In January as part of my ‘to do in 2013’ list, my God-Father challenged me to read the 66 books of the Bible in 66 days.  I laughed to myself.  He’s been doing the marathon for about 7 years now, starting every January with an intense reading of scripture from front to back.  But for someone with long holidays and flexible hours as a missionary, surely it’s too easy for him to complete it, even if he does now have 4 small children...  But me?  No way.  As you may know I have a full time job, a part time masters, a ministry leading a student group, a few mentees, ballet classes, rock climbing, a house to keep and relationships to maintain, all of which I owe my time.  The Bible Marathon for Annie Davies was simply impossible, right?

Wrong.

...‘What is impossible with man is possible with God’ (Luke 18:27)

This verse even out of context combats my pride and stubbornness and leaves me in awe of God’s ways...

When we make time for God in a busy life, everything slows down.

I didn't think I'd be able to read 66 books in 66 days simply because of lack of time...

...but I did!  I finished it!  And on time too! (if you know me you’ll know I’m not on time for ANYTHING).

 

Without jeopardising all the commitments I had made previously, I was diving into a new book each day, flowing through the chapters like a feather in a stream.  Okay, I’ll admit, there were times I felt like I was swimming through treacle... upstream... with my hands and feet tied together... but even the tedious books were enlightening and revealed so much about God that I had never even considered before!  Doing The Bible Marathon was helping me to put God at the center of every day.  I’d wake up in the morning and know that my day was going to revolve around God's word.  I was rarely able to sit down and read a book in one go, but I’d dig into it throughout the day, finding myself continually encouraged and continually filled with the Holy Spirit in a peaceful way.  Then at the end of each day I’d think back on what I'd read and pray into it before I slept, feeling as though I'd walked the journey of my day with the Lord at my side.

This incredible experience taught me a heck of a lot about God, about myself, about life, creation, salvation...  

But most of all, The Bible Marathon has taught me a lesson in ‘time’.  

God will always make room for himself to be present in my life, however busy.  If we only let him in, he will move through us and give us a fresh breath of his love when we need it (and surprisingly even when we don’t!).  He gives us rest and fills us up whilst still using us in our busyness to serve and to witness.  This brings peace to me.  Very rarely do I feel stressed or hurried, knowing that my creator is ever present and that time is sacred.  One thing just seems to flow into the next, and little pockets of time happen to appear just when I need them.  The Lord brings me work and rest in good measure, but only when I truly let him in, acknowledging his rule over my heart and his call over my life.

So when the Bible talks about keeping a Sabbath, what does that actually mean?

Is God telling us to have a day in the life of a couch potato just ‘vegging’ in front of the TV?  Or sleeping till 3 and not changing out of your pyjamas all day?  What did God do on the first Sabbath?*  God looked back at the week and he celebrated creation.  He assessed his work and saw that it was good.  In the same way, we should take time to ACTIVELY rest, to look back at the week of our life, to repent for the things we failed at and to rejoice in the ways God has blessed us.  By active resting I mean reading the bible, spending time in prayer, engaging in worship.  By having little pockets of ‘rest’, little pieces of ‘Sabbath’ throughout my days, my whole life became an act of worship and praise and my heart was seldom far from the Lord.

The things we choose to spend our time on are the materials with which we construct our identity.

So I repent of my self-centredness, for my darkened heart that made me lost, lost in my own identity trying to be someone by the things I create.  

Mark Driscoll said: “Creative self expression has become an idol.  Whether or not you love your work, the goal is not job satisfaction but faithful worship.”

When time is short you are forced to question where your hope is gone, why your joy has faded and what makes you an individual.  You can’t fill your life with all the things that you WANT to and then face the challenge of filling it with things that you NEED to.  Giving your time to the Lord, making him central to your life recreates you each day in his image.  Only then are your outpourings holy, only then does your life become a worship song and a testimony to the perfect creator.

Our true identity is not in creatively extracting ourselves, but in receiving Jesus.

I am still astounded that God made it possible for me learn such a crucial lesson by experiencing scripture in such a way as I did through The Bible Marathon, but how could I have ever doubted the author of time?

*whether this was literally one day or not is irrelevant, the meaning is more important than the science here.

The Fuel for 'Feminism' & Reclaiming the 'Feminine'

I’m Annie.  You probably know that.  So if you’ve met me, read my blog, followed me on twitter or simply heard of me, you probably also know me as a ‘Feminist’.  

“Hi, meet Annie, she’s a feminist”

“Oh so you’re Annie the feminist”

“You’re that feminist aren’t you, so why do you hate men then?”

As if it isn’t bad enough that feminists have been given the label of ‘man haters’ (see blog post on the F word), but my beliefs about gender equality have somehow managed to present themselves as my sole identity.  You may as well brand a big ‘F’ into my forehead!  

So for the sake of my own social retribution, let me explain why that ‘F’ should be replaced with a ‘C’.

Once upon a time there was a girl who was very angry and bitter, yet passionate about justice.  She dressed in dark clothing to match her dark soul and dark thoughts and she didn’t really like anyone.  She was sad and lonely and never really had much of an example of true ‘masculinity’ in the way that God intended it to be.  She saw violence, hatred, rage, malice and deception.  The definition of ‘man’ was: reckless predator with high alcohol content.  She felt the inflictions of this broken image and her heart gave birth to feminism, a screaming baby with high demands to be consoled.  She kicked and screamed and fought this ‘otherness’ of men that she just could not understand, as anger fuelled the journey in her search for peace between men and women.  Needless to say, anger does not breed justice.  No peace was found.

It wasn’t until the girl was touched by God, and for the first time in her life felt what is confined to the word ‘love’, that things began to change.  Her heart was transformed - a true miracle.  A perfect father affectionately placed his hand on the screaming rage and brought peace to an angry feminist.  All of a sudden, into her life came a figure of real ‘masculinity’, of love and comfort and adoration.  A protector had found her.  But she didn’t want to be protected, this was all new to her, she denied such love at first, and time was leant to her to grapple in search of understanding.  Darkness was all she’d ever known, so what was this light?  She tried to find ‘Mother God’, she found her, yet something was lacking.  Then God sent her an earthly father, a man persistent in love, a reflection of the heavenly parent who never gives up on his children.  She could not escape this physical presence and she softened, and as she learnt to receive love, she learnt also to give love in return.  The bitterness was made weak by the strength of deep compassion, and the feminist fell in love with Jesus the man and God the Father.

And they lived happily ever after...?  Well, almost.
The fuel behind my feminism has changed, but it is still there, just as it is there for God who hates violence and loves the unity of man and woman.  As we know, Jesus spent most of his life trying to liberate women.  My feminism is not something to be feared, or scoffed at, or joked about, because it’s probably not what you think it is.  So, to clear things up:

I am not a feminist because I hate men, but because I love them.

I am not a feminist because I love women more, but because I want men and women to love one another.

So I love men, does that make me a bad feminist?  Arguably I am ‘better at feminism’ now I’ve had a change of heart and the fuel is pure.  Through embracing an image of truer masculinity, I have also come to see the ‘feminine’ that once was lacking from my feminism.  Blessed also with an earthly godmother as of late, it has become all too evident that my desires have changed and my fears have been lifted.  Over time the dark clothes disappeared, I stopped hiding behind my grim image and bitter grudges against the hurt I’d suffered.  An exchange was made as the frustration of being weak and vulnerable evaporated, and was replaced by a new celebration of my God-given feminine beauty and a real sense of joy and peace that I am a woman.  So what if I’d like to be a wife and a mother!  Does that make me any less of a person?  You’d think so according to my own determined political passions, but being a feminist is NOT about becoming as ‘masculine’ as possible and denying all those wonderful things that women are so dearly blessed with.  I am a feminist whose heart has grown to love her femininity, to embrace it even and enjoy it for the blessing that it is.  I am a feminist who loves men and women for all their differences and unique characteristics that are equally beautiful reflections of a divine God.

If I were branded, brand me with a ‘C’.  I belong to Christ, and my love for him comes first, as he first loved me.  The consequence of this is an outpouring of that love, so through me flows a passion for the lost and broken.  A consequence of this is my feminism.  For God so loved the world, man and woman, that he made us all in his beautiful image - God so loved the world, man and woman, that he gave his only son to set us free of conflict and hatred.  And there you have it.

Has marriage gone out of fashion?

This is a question that needs to be asked in today’s society.  We live in a time of drastic change: technological development, social networking, media growth and political mayhem.  I aim to discuss the concept of marriage in relation to such a changing culture with reference to the following issues: rebellion from tradition, dysfunctional families, pluralist lifestyles, stereotypical definitions, radical feminism, financial instability and the law.  

When I met James (22) and Imogen (21), one of the first things they told me about themselves was that they are married.  This was instantly followed by an awkward silence, my head working overtime trying to understand something so ridiculous.  ‘Smile and nod’ is my favourite way to deal with such baffling moments.  Should I congratulate them?  Pity them?  So young and yet so bound by this contract called ‘marriage’.  But was it really so ridiculous?

In today’s world, particularly in the west, marriage is seen as something that happens when you’re old and boring, that you put on like an old pair of comfy slippers when you’re done with fun in your life.  Marrying young is seen as a thing of the past, something our grandparents did because ‘that’s just how things were in those days’.  Well that is exactly how I saw it.  As time went on, I quickly became close with both James and Imogen, and can safely say that they are two of the most fun, lively and attractive people I have ever met.  And they really do live life to the full!

So why is it so rare to see such a phenomena?  Why do we see marriage in such a negative light?  Personally I put it down to experience of dysfunctional families and breakup.  With a distinct lack of role models, and divorce rates through the roof (although surprisingly lower than they have ever been, simply because less people are getting married in the first place), today’s generation are growing up with the misconception that marriage is a burden (or at least that is how I perceived it coming from said situation).  There are few examples of how marriage should be, a happy, enjoyable, secure and loving communion between two people; the epitome of love and joy.  Marriage, as I have learnt through my friends, is beautiful.  We should not be put off by our negative experiences, but learn from them ‘how not to do marriage’.

Sadly this beauty is lost on the pluralist society we live in.  Life is all about ‘convenience’, ‘freedom’ and ‘individualism’.  We do not have time for commitment and investment in relationships, we want to pick and mix the aspects of our postmodern lives to make up our super slick identity.  We want hot cars, top jobs and bachelor pads.  No-strings-attached sex is ‘playful’, ‘fun’ and ‘attractive’, the new alternative for ‘boring’ and ‘out-dated’ pacts of marriage.  On the cover is the glossy idea that commitment has gone out of fashion, but deep down, everyone has that secret longing for love and security.  Even the most hectic celebrities and influential politicians have someone to cuddle up to at night.

But who’s to say that it’s all about security?  Being married to someone is not just about having a safety net when you need someone to turn to or simply having someone there ‘at the end of the day’.  Marriage has been so heavily labelled with such characteristics, that although they are largely important factors of marriage, they draw attention away from other aspects of such a union: the things that marriage once required have now been placed as attainable only outside of marriage, by a generation seeking to rebel against anything that might be called ‘traditional’.  But marriage is what you make it, just because the label carries such negative connotations in wider society, does not mean you have to adopt them on a personal level.  Sharing life with someone means sharing everything; the life lessons, the glamorous social life, the achievements, adventures and heart-warming side-stitching memories.  Two fun-loving people joined together make for a whole lot of fun!

Another reason that marriage has gone out of fashion is the rise in radical feminism.  Some feminists (a small minority) go to the extreme in thinking that being married somehow makes you weak and passive.  Some believe that liberation is only gained through independence and separation from men.  I believe that equality is achieved through unity rather than segregation (but this is another topic in itself so I’ll not go into detail on this point).  Women are afraid to fall into categories of ‘wife’ or ‘mother’, two words again that have the connotations of boring, traditional unchallenging roles.  Most of the women that I know who are either married or in relationships are incredibly strong and active in their position.  Some are even active feminists.  Being married does not take this away.  If anything, being married is an incredible example of equality and unity between men and women, two people loving and caring for one another unconditionally and giving all they have to one another on an equal measure.  It’s not really about cooking and cleaning while the husband is out working as the breadwinner (unless adhering to gender stereotypes is your thing… then err… whatever works for you).

In such desperate financial times, most people discard the idea of marriage as an unnecessary celebration that costs the earth.  Some people spend thousands and thousands of pounds on a wedding, buying designer dressed, hiring extravagant venues, paying attention to the smallest details from gold leaf place cards to ribbon dressed furniture.  It’s become a competition, who can have the most ‘fairy tale’ wedding.  Couples everywhere are going to drastic lengths to impress, taking out loans, sacrificing other financial commitments, even entering competitions and taking part in reality T.V. shows such as ‘Don’t Tell The Bride’; anything to get their hands on the cash for the big day.  But marriage is not about the wedding.  Of course the ceremony in itself is important, but the 24hours of the first day of marriage is nothing compared with the years that you will spend together afterwards.  To put so much pressure and expectation into one day is pointless.  Keep it small, keep it personal, and get the whole family involved in a DIY wedding!  Bring it back to the bonding ritual it is meant to be, put love into it, not money.  A wedding does not have to be expensive to signify that two people want to declare purely and simply, that they love one another.

Some people are against the idea of marriage because they simply don’t see the point.  When I told friends that I was working on a blog on the topic of marriage, one of them linked me to a video of Doug Stanhope on marriage.  Although ridiculous in the name of comedy, he makes one good point: when we have something as personal and beautiful as a loving relationship, why should we want to get the government in on it?  Why should we have to declare by law that we love one another?  Surely it doesn’t matter.  Well I agree.  To me, whether a marriage is legal or not is not what makes it a marriage at all.  Personally, I believe that marriage is a promise before God that the two of you will love and cherish one another for the rest of your lives, the promise of union, two people joining as one.  You may not agree with my personal perception, but you don’t have to believe in God to make such promises to one another, (although I do believe that a marriage without God at the centre is a fragile one).  If you love someone, the greatest thing that you can give to them is your life, and promising them that you will share all you have with them forms an unbreakable bond.  Marrying the one you love says ‘I will share with you the highs of life, and when the lows bring us down, I will fight for our love’. 

I’m not saying that everyone should get married.  First of all, being single is not a negative thing, and life can be just as great if you have no-one to share it with, trust me, I’m not married!  Also we should not disregard the seriousness of marriage.  It is indeed a great level of commitment, a responsible decision that should be made for life.  Baring these two statements in mind, I am simply asking, that for those of us who have been blessed with a partner, or those of us that are single, do not see marriage in terms of the problems that I have explored in this post.  I ask that we rekindle the magnificence of such a beautiful part of life, that we see the fun and enjoyment that should be sought in marriage, and glorify it. 

Marriage brings not the death of life, but the everlasting life of love.

(I would like to thank James and Imogen Lowe for giving me permission to write about them in this post.  You are such an encouraging couple, and impact the lives of many, day after day. Evangelists for marriage!)

The Great Divide

I am currently in Wolverhampton staying with my Grandma, what is supposed to be my home when I’m not at university.  I don’t have a Church here.  I don’t have Christian friends.  And I don’t have the Christian Union.  Here is my secular place.  Nottingham is my sacred place.  For two years now, my mind, heart and soul have been set in an unhealthy bipolar fashion, as I like many, have fallen under ‘The Great Divide’.

            This summer between my second and third year of university (the last time I have to return here to live) was my last chance to get it right and make an effort.  I urged my sister in Christ (to whom I am accountable to) to push me over text and email, something that to both of our surprises was not much needed (thanks Jess!).  I arrived on Saturday evening and by Sunday evening, after walking for almost an hour, I found myself in a Church, joyfully singing worship amidst a large family bearing happy hearts and welcoming faces.

            Personal progress aside, this ‘Great Divide’ is something that continually effects the majority of us, it being a way of life that is too easy to fall into and exceedingly difficult to climb out of.  Whether you’re at university and return to a home town during holidays, you have work life and personal life or separate your different groups of friends, think of the ways in which you banish God from parts of your life.

            At this new Church I’d visited, a woman asked, ‘what kind of fruit are you?’.  At this I was rather confused and so patiently waited for the coming analogy.  ‘Are you an orange or a peach? Is your life broken into segments, or is your life integrated with God as your strong centre?’.  Well I happened to be an orange.  I was always satisfied with merely being a fruit of God, bearing the good news in my heart, but I never took much notice as to exactly what kind of fruit I was.  And it turns out I was the wrong kind.

            In Paul’s biblical letter to the Colossians, he writes ‘whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him’ (Colossians 3:17).  To me this means three things:

1-    Whatever: absolutely everything you do, from preaching the gospel to doing the shopping, playing sport with friends or doing the housework, in prayer or in day-to-day conversation.  Whatever you do, do it with God on your heart and mind.

2-    Whoever: absolutely everyone you meet, not just your Christian friends but your non-Christian friends, the people on your course, at your workplace, on the bus, at the gym.  Whoever you meet, show them that you have God in your heart and mind.

3-    Whenever: absolutely every minute of every day.  Not just on Sundays, not just at times of organised mission outreach, but all the time.  Whenever you live a waking breath, live it with God on your heart and mind.

It all seems ridiculously difficult, almost impossible.  But the beauty of it is that we WILL mess up, and we WILL drift away at times and almost slip into the ‘Great Divide’, but God in his outstanding grace knows this already and forgives us.  He won’t leave us, nor will he forsake us, and no matter how far from Him we drift He will always seek us out to carry us back in loving arms.  So why banish God from certain segments of our lives when He so desperately wants to saturate every inch of it with His love and grace?  Give it all to Him, don’t hold back, and He will do things with your life so incredible that you could never imagine.  Get rid of that ‘Great Divide’ and let the sacred bless the secular.  Be a peach!

Alternative helpful Bible passages:

Romans 12:1-2
            ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

Matthew 5:16

            ‘Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.’

Sound Check

- As published in the Spring 2011 issue of Artemis, the Women's Network magazine. -

Photograph: http://www.testmeat.co.uk/photos/index.php?id=698

Doesn’t it just sound awful when you’re at a gig and the bass is ridiculously loud and the lyrics are incomprehensible?  Or when the guitar riff is so distorted that the melody is completely lost?  Or maybe I’ve just been to too many bad gigs…  The same problem rings true in our day-to-day lives and the music we make.  How loud are we projecting our voices as women?  And in comparison, how do we fit this together with the other instruments in our lives?  It’s time we had our own sound check.

Myself, and others I have spoken to, have found that slapping the ‘feminist’ sticker onto yourself isn’t an easy task to undertake.  It comes with baggage.  Our lives, and identities for that matter, are made up of various different things, and it can often be difficult to fit our feminism into this overall picture.  Our race, our class, our sexuality, our politics, our faith and even our minute personal interests, can conflict with our gender issues.  So which do we prioritise?

When we use our voices for change, we tend to concentrate too much or too little on the fact that we are women.  It is a distinguishing factor of life that needs to be addressed, but our gender isn’t our ‘everything’.  Take this into account: there is more than one type of woman.  As postmodern feminist Bell Hooks puts it; ‘since men are not equal in white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal class structure, which men do women want to be equal to?’  What about black women, working class women, lesbian women, liberal women, women of faith?  We all face different kinds of discrimination and we need to accommodate for each aspect of our identities. 

I myself am a Christian.  I often face criticisms from both sides.  Some feminists accuse that ‘surely religion is a patriarchal tool of oppression’, and some Christians accuse that ‘feminism is a radical turn away from biblical teaching’.  Both are wrong.  As difficult as it may be to create a balance, it is certainly possible to integrate my faith and my feminism, fighting for gender equality whilst sharing my faith with others.

So how loud do I sing of my faith? How loud do I sing as a woman looking for change? And how exactly do we balance these voices without breaking the sound barrier?  Sing too loudly about one and the other easily fades into the background.  Break this sound barrier and your identity is broken, consumed entirely by this single aspect.  For me my faith is central to my life, the very essence of my truth and being, but born from this faith comes the search for liberation, and that includes the liberation of women.  I have a biblical base upon which I can build my case for equality.  But from this base I also build my politics, my philosophy, my identity, my relationships, and my lifestyle.  The echoing voice of feminism may be an important aspect to life, but we need the rest of the band to bring body to the music that is our being.  A perfect balance is impossible, but it’s time we stepped back and evaluated the value we slap on with our ‘feminist stickers’.  So keep one hand on the sound desk, but let the show go on…

Blog One

What a better topic to write on for my first blog than blogs themselves?

What are blogs? And why do we write them? What do they really say about us?

I’m no pro when it comes to technology, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that the internet has changed the world.  It’s amazing to think that we can type a word into a little box, and at the click of a button we can access thousands of pages of data that relate to that very word.  We can keep in touch with people all over the world, find lost friends, make new ones.  We can build relationships with people that we may never even meet, look at their pictures, watch their videos, read their blogs.

I remember there was a boy at my school who wrote a blog.  It meant so much to him.  It was his catchphrase.  The word’s “read my blog!” passed his lips at least 50 times a day.  He thought of himself as a comedian, and bothered everything with a pulse to get online and read his material.  Needless to say I never did read it.  He lived and breathed ‘blog’.  He even named his band ‘The Monobloggers’…

So why did he write a blog?  He was a lonely guy.  Didn’t have many friends.  The friends he did have didn’t really know who he was.  Maybe we all cry out for that deeper relationship, urging for others to try to understand us, what we think and how we feel.  Everyone is lonely in their own way.  Even those of us who are surrounded by people every day.  In fact those tend to be the loneliest kind of people.  We write diaries, as private accounts of the things that mean the most to us in our lives.  Is a blog just an online diary?  If so, how much of ourselves are we really putting out there, and why do we do it?

It’s interesting to consider how much truth goes into a blog.  I have never written a blog before so it will be interesting to see what I leave out of it.  As I begin this newfound hobby I promise that I will never write anything dishonest in my blogs, and that everything I write shall be the truth as far as is in my knowledge.  But it shall be interesting to see the truths I am afraid to include.  If you are reading this and you write a blog, how much of it is true?  How closely does it match up to the real you, and how much does it really say about who you are?  Can you really come to know someone simply from what they write?

And the blogging begins…